Attachment is a huge buzzword today thanks to social media. Many people are caught up in the hype of researching and understanding their attachment style. But what exactly is attachment and how does it actually impact us? Let’s take a look!
Attachment occurs when an infant and a primary caregiver develop an emotional connection; this emotional connection is necessary to promote a response from the caregiver to address the child’s basic needs and prepare the child for future independence (Oliveira & Fearon, 2019). But why is attachment important? Well, attachment was at one point necessary for the survival of humans! Attachment is also about more than an emotional connection between a caregiver and infant.
Attachment during childhood is a crucial part of the development of how we learn to relate to the outside world, fit in, trust others, and build and maintain relationships (Crouch, 2015). But attachment doesn’t end in childhood; it tends to permeate the relationship patterns we maintain, the romantic relationships we pursue, and even how we feel about ourselves. When we don’t have healthy attachment to caregivers growing up, we may continue struggling with the mental, emotional, and sometimes physical repercussions of the lessons learned in our earliest relationships.
BUT! The good news is that change is possible! Even if we fail to be taught something in childhood, it can still be learned later in life. Attachment is a way for us to recognize that others can identify and respond to our needs; positive attachment to others also allows us to interpret relationships as “valuable, reliable, and safe,” which is possible to be achieved outside of the parent-child relationship through learning and application (Rees, 2007). Many attachment related difficulties—including relationship struggles, communication and boundary setting, use of coping skills, self-validation, and stress and emotional regulation—are common skills that can be developed and practiced in a therapeutic setting with a counselor. Mental health and attachment styles are also correlated, so improving mental health could improve relationships and experiences with attachment.
Attachment Styles
Below, the Cleveland Clinic (2022) defines the 4 different attachment styles, as well as potential implications for adult functioning depending on different kinds of attachment:
- Secure attachment: This type of attachment occurs when an infant’s needs, both emotional and physical, are consistently addressed by caregivers.
- Securely attached children “are more likely to become adults who confidently seek out healthy relationships with others and are reliable and loving partners themselves.”
- Anxious attachment: This type of attachment occurs when a caregiver is inconsistent in addressing an infant’s needs, including emotional and physical.
- Babies who have their needs inconsistently met “learn that they may or may not get the attention they need, so they aren’t easily comforted by their caregivers.”
- Anxiously attached adults may struggle with feelings of clinginess, neediness, mistrust of others, and fears of abandonment.
- Avoidant attachment: This type of attachment occurs when a caregiver’s “responsiveness to a baby… ends with caring for their physical needs”
- Babies who consistently go with emotional needs being unmet learn that others are not reliable to assist with emotional difficulties.
- Avoidantly attached adults tend to avoid conversations about any emotions
- Disorganized attachment: This type of attachment occurs when an infant has a childhood “marked by fear or trauma” and is typically the result of an “erratic or incoherent relationship” with a caregiver.
- This attachment style is “the most extreme and least common.”
- Disorganized attached adults desire close relationships but tend to reject others who care about them; these individuals have a high likelihood of struggling with mental health disorders.
How can therapy help with healing my attachment style?
- Therapy will allow you to practice within a professional relationship to increase tolerance to vulnerability and self-soothing skills.
- Therapy can assist with increasing boundary setting skills; sometimes we have too strict or too loose boundaries with others based on our specific attachment style, childhood experiences, trauma responses, and defense mechanisms.
- Therapy can help to increasing relationship satisfaction through understanding your attachment style and increasing interpersonal relationship and social skills.
Recommended Books on the topic:
- The Power of Attachment: How To Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Diane Poole Heller Ph.D
- Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
If you think you’re currently struggling with attachment related issues or are just having difficulty with relational or personal stressors, talking to a mental health professional could be the first step towards healing. We’d love to be a supportive part of your mental health journey; if you’re interested in getting established with a team member, please reach out through our contact page or give us a call at (724) 209-4970.
Resources:
Crouch, Miriam. (2015). Attachment: what is it and why is it so important? Kairaranga, 16(2), pp. 18-24. https://doi.org/10.54322/kairaranga.v16i2.256
Oliveira, Paula & Fearon, Pasco. (2019). The biological bases of attachment. Adoption & Fostering, 43(3), 274–293. doi:10.1177/0308575919867770
Rees, Corinne. (2007). Childhood attachment. British Journal of General Practice, pp. 920-922. Retrieved from National Library of Medicine.
The 4 attachment styles and how they impact you. Cleveland Clinic (2022). Retrieved from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles/
